Parenting: Budgeting for the Young and Old

This is a follow-up post to my parenting post about children and money.

Everyone needs to budget based on their income! (I’m looking at you House of Representatives, Senate, and White House) I would guess that most people don’t budget because they simply do not know how. And if they try and learn most of the online tools require you fill out approximately fifty thousand items to come up with your budget. This can be a little overwhelming for someone who doesn’t want to make a budget in the first place. I like the 60% Solution!

If you’re too lazy to read the link here is the short version.
The 60% Solution for Adults

1. 60 percent: Monthly expenses — such as housing, food, utilities, insurance, Internet, transportation. This is the part most commonly thought of as a budget.
2. 10 percent: Retirement — and if you’re doing it right, this is being automatically deducted from your paycheck for a 401(k) investment.
3. 10 percent: Long-term savings or debt reduction. It’s best to invest this in something such as stocks or an index fund, and this can serve as your emergency fund. But if you are in debt (not including a home mortgage), I would advise that you use this portion of the budget to pay off your debts, and even draw some from the other categories such as retirement to increase this to about 20 percent for now. Once your debts are paid off, you can switch this to long-term savings. You still need to have an emergency fund, but while you’re in debt-reduction mode you can either create a small, temporary emergency fund out of the money from this category or the next.
4. 10 percent: Short-term savings — this is for periodic expenses, such as auto maintenance or repairs, medical expenses (not including insurance premiums), appliances, home maintenance, birthday and Christmas gifts. For this savings account, be sure to spend the money when you need it — that’s what it’s for. When these expenses come up, you will have the money for them, instead of trying to pull them from other budget categories.
5. 10 percent: Fun money — you can spend this on eating out, movies, comic books — whatever you want. Guilt free.

The 60% Solution for Children

1. 60% – Long term savings. Car, College, or Wedding. There is a high probability that your child will want to have one of these in the future. The most important lesson for a child to learn is to save for the things that they want.
2. 10% – Charity and gifts. Children will need to buy gifts for parents, siblings, and others. This will be a large part of their income and they will feel good when they can spend their own money on the people they love. If they are so inclined I like the charity of Heifer International for my charitable giving.
3. 10% – Short term savings. Teach your children about planning ahead. So they can have a little extra money when back to school shopping to buy those clothes that you will not buy for them because they are dumb looking.
4. 20% – Fun! Go ahead and spend on whatever you want after all they are kids still! (And you are making them save 60 cents of every dollar for college.

Do it! For my budget I’ve set up multiple savings accounts with online banks (like etrade.com; emigrantdirect.com; ingdirect.com). The money gets automatically transferred to individual accounts based on my budget categories when my paycheck arrives. For children you could use the envelopes method or setup online accounts for them. I’m more inclined to recommend the online accounts because they pay interest and it’s harder to get the money for an impulse shopping spree.

Envelopes This is an old-fashioned system that works. Have an envelope for groceries, gas and fun money. When going grocery shopping, bring the groceries envelope. You know how much is left in the envelope before you go grocery shopping. Spend the cash for groceries, and then you can easily see how much is left now. Simple, and no tracking necessary. When the money is gone, you’ve spent your budgeted amount. If necessary, you could transfer cash from one envelope to another, and there’s no need to adjust your budget.

Conclusion I personally subscribe to a more complex budget, but I’ve been using a budget tracked in a spreadsheet for at least the past seven years. What’s that you say? You cannot afford Microsoft Excel? Try the Free Open Source alternative OpenOffice. As you start keeping a budget it becomes more specific as you start planning for vacations, college funds, ’soft retirement’. Budgeting is important to make sure you don’t get caught with you pants down when it’s time to buy new tires or rebuild the transmission, pay the max deductible for your health insurance because some a-hole ran you off the road on your bicycle and you had to go to the emergency room. Also, to make sure you know if you can afford a reoccurring monthly expense of hundreds of dollars for satellite tv, cable internet, and cellular phone service. If you’re not able to save you have not lived within your means. Time to get a roommate or move to the not so nice side of town.

Parenting: The effect of false myths

I ran across this while reading this news: Paralysed Kids Buried For Solar Eclipse Cure. As a parent and an atheist it makes my heart so sad for these children.

Imagine being these kids
Your parents tell you that you might be able to walk and run with the other children. The solar eclipse has magical healing powers along with the power of god. The excitement and hope begins to build. A joyous and miraculous thing is about to happen. God is going to fix you. A holy man is praying over you while an astronomical event takes place. And then nothing happens.

What is going through these people’s minds? (I can’t say to know, but I have an idea)
What do the kids think?

• Did I do something wrong? Is it my fault?
• Why does god continue to punish me?
• Why does god not hear me?

What do the parents think?

• God is punishing us for our sins
• What can we do to make god fix our child?
• Should I pray more devoutly?
• Do I need to teach my children more about god?
• Do I need to believe more?

What does the holy man think?

• Sinners.
• God is all powerful, it must be their fault if they are not healed.

I feel helpless
What can I do about such a situation? I could scoff and call them uneducated, but this kind of thing happens in my own country. I feel so bad for these kids. I want to shout ‘STOP LYING TO YOUR KIDS!’ They really need support from their community and family. I’d take a pair of helping hands over praying hands anytime.

Book Review: Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy

Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy

Free Range Kids – Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry by Lenore Skenazy is a non-fiction book about parenting and allowing children to be independent. This book was a fun and entertaining read weighing in at just under 200 pages. It is slathered with humor and sarcasm just the way I like it when reading material breaking down ‘conventional wisdom (Did you know it is a derogatory term?)’. Lenore also keeps a blog http://freerangekids.wordpress.com with the latest triumphs and tragedies that confront Free Range Parents.

The TV is Lying to You
Lenore Skenazy talks about the over reporting and dramatization of abductions. If you watch (take your pick: CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, Bones, Law & Order, Law & Order SVU) or the news there is a 100% chance are you are going to be bombarded by psychopathic monsters (and I’m not just talking about Bill O’Reilly). There is a reason for this. Fear, like sex, sells. Don’t believe me? Can you tell me the stories of JonBenet Ramsey, O.J. Simpson, and Caylee Anthony? Now, can you summarize Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, and Oliver Twist? I find, like Lenore, that people pay way too much attention to television and not enough to their actual neighborhood. It’s safe even if the TV says it is not. Crime statistics are available for your neighborhood.

Responsibility & Independence
Kids want to be independent. I don’t know how many times my preschoolers (soon to start Kindergarten!) have shouted, “NO, DAD! I CAN DO IT MYSELF!” A key notion in this book is about giving your kids responsibility and independence commensurate with their ability. You teach your child the skills they need to know then you allow them to practice what they’ve learned. For instance, my oldest daughter uses the super sharp vegetable peeler and helps peel carrots for dinner. That is because I taught her how. Supervised her a couple of times and then let her do it herself. Did you know what happened? SHE CUT HERSELF! A cheap lesson. A few tears and a band-aide later we were back peeling vegetables. But she is so happy when she gets to help make dinner. As Lenore put it she learned ’self-confidence’ not ‘parent-supplied-confidence’ (a.k.a. Here is your trophy for being second winner!) When we take walks in the evening I have my daughters take turns telling me when it is safe to cross. Teach them the skills and let them practice. It is hard to let go but they keep showing me they are smarter than I give them credit for.

Stranger Danger!
Again, on our walks we talk about strangers. Dad asks, “Is it OK to talk to strangers?” My kids say, “Yes.” Dad says, “That’s right!” Another key theme in Lenore’s book is that not every stranger is a going to snatch you away as soon as Mom & Dad aren’t looking. Some parents might be aghast, “YOU SHOULD NEVER LET YOU CHILD TALK TO STRANGERS!” Yeah, you see… that’s just dumb. Back to the principle of not assuming people are crazy child snatchers. One positive note about my kids talking to strangers is that the strangers want to talk back! I’ve met many normal (non kiddie snatchers) in my neighborhood because they are happy to talk to little girls (even if their dad is a scary stranger). Again, it is important to teach your children the skills they need in case they are confronted with that creepy person. Dad asks, “Do we ever go near a strangers car?” Kids say, “No.” Dad asks, “Do we ever go anywhere with a stranger?” Kids say, “No.” Dad asks, “Would mom and dad ever send a stranger to come and get you?” Kids say, “No.” Dad says, “That’s right I would send … ” and I give them examples of the people we know that we would send to get them. What are the chances that my girls are going to need to use their skill of not going away with a stranger? About 1:1500000. They should know these things just in case. Just like using “Stop, Drop, and Roll”, “Get out of the house first if there is a fire, go to the neighbors, then dial 911″, “If you get lost just sit down and we’ll find you or ask a STRANGER for help”.

Odds of Dying

Calculating the Odds or Parenting by Evidence
I tried to find a reference and failed about how people can’t tell the difference between 1:1000 odds and 1:100000. It ‘feels’ the same to them. Maybe this is why parents don’t want to let their kids outside because they can’t tell that being abducted by a stranger (odds 1:1500000) is statistically insignificant. What parents really need to be worried about are things like obesity, getting exercise, wearing helmets and seatbelts, and sunblock. OH! What is this? Here is some evidence to back up my assertion. This is a nice little article talking the about the odds of dying. I’m laying out the odds for the top five ways you are going to die.

1. Heart Disease: 1-in-5
2. Cancer: 1-in-7
3. Stroke: 1-in-23
4. Accidental Injury: 1-in-36
5. Motor Vehicle Accident:1-in-100

I’m personally hoping for the 1:79746 Lightning Strike on my 120th birthday. So… controlling obesity, getting exercise, wearing helmets and seatbelts, and sunblock helps cut into those odds. And I even get to let my daughters out to play on the sidewalk all by themselves.

This book was a great little read and helps bring things back into perspective as a parent. There are so many experts out there trying to scare you into using the products or captivating you while TV stations try to sell you other products. So, turn off the TV, boot the kids outside, and start reading.

Parenting: Children and Money

This post is in response to Lenore (America’s Worst Mom) Skenazy’s request: Giving Kids Control of Money (So They Don’t Always Need Yours)

Money seems like it is a very difficult concept for parents to discuss with their children. I’m guessing it is because it is usually a difficult topic in general for the household (i.e. WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH OF IT!). I’m providing my two cents on what I’m planning on teaching my girls about money.

Learn to Earn
I think the most important lesson for a child to learn is to earn the things they want. Delayed gratification will set them up to be better investors in the future. My family is well off and I can buy my kids any toys that they want. My daughters are currently 3 and 4. They see the neighborhood kids with their scooters flying up and down the sidewalk. They tried them out (with their helmets on of course!) and really enjoyed them. I bought two scooters at the store for them. All they have to do to earn them is get ready in the morning: Make their bed; get dressed, brush their teeth and brush their hair. If they do all that without me or my wife telling them to they get a stamp. Seven stamps = 1 Scooter. They haven’t earned those scooters yet with only two stamps each, but they want them, and they beg and plead. Dad says to them, “Of course you can have your scooter as soon as you get seven stamps. How do we earn stamps?” The kids groan “Make our bed, get dressed, brush our teeth and hair.” Dad says, “Great! Then do that and you can get a scooter!” This technique worked for earning a bicycle bell by finishing reading lessons.

Buy for Value
I really don’t have a problem with my kids wasting money on items that will soon lose their interest. It is my job as a parent to point out that the toy will become boring once they get it home and offer them alternate suggestions. Give your kids a choice. Dad says, “Are you sure you don’t want to save your money for that new bike you wanted?” Its a good lesson to teach to children to buy things that have lasting value. It’s hard from them to see a toy go for sale for $.25 at the yard sale when they used their hard earned money to buy it. The same goes for adults who put a $25 sticker on a $800 treadmill they only used once.

Lay-A-Way
As kids get older the toys will become more expensive. I’m sure I will hear the whine at the store, “~DAD~, I REALLY WANT THIS GAME! They are sold out everywhere!” Fine, I say. I’ll break out the wallet and buy the game (because honestly, it is a pain in the ass to find high demand products. Nintendo Wii near it’s release date, anyone?). However, it will go on lay-a-way. For those who didn’t grow up with parents that were out of work frequently and couldn’t get credit (as easy as it is to right now) a store would hold an item for you. You would make weekly payments until the purchase price was fulfilled. Then you got to take home your item. The same works for the game. Your child can earn the game (back to the earning concept) by doing extra work around the house or paying you back when they get cash from grandma and grandpa. As long as they keep making weekly payments, you’ll keep holding the item. If not, there is always E-bay or craigslist.

Get a job!
As your kids get a little older (10yrs and up) it is time to learn the value of money. I don’t really like the concept of an allowance. I especially don’t like tying an allowance to jobs that have to be done around the house. Everyone lives in the house, everyone has to help out with the weekly chores according to their ability (dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, toilets, laundry, etc). If my child needs something (food, clothes, shoes, etc) I buy it for them. If they want something above and beyond their daily needs they can again earn it. They say “~DAD~, I REALLY NEED THESE JEANS! Everyone is wearing pre-ripped, pre-strained, overlarge ones and I don’t have any!” Dad says, “I’m not buying those, they’re stupid looking. But if you want to do extra work around the house…” Give them the choice, do they not want the jeans or do they want to work for them? I’m all about getting extra work done around the house. It would make my life easier if they took out the garbage. But let us be honest about how much money is deserved for each task. If they want to take out the garbage for me, great! That is unskilled labor worth minimum wage. I take the minimum wage rate and calculate their earnings for the 10 minute task. According to the current federal minimum wage of $6.55 they earned $1.09 (and that is tax free!). That is learning the value of a dollar. Now, if they decide to do more unpleasant work like scrubbing out the trash cans, I’m willing to negotiate (because I don’t want to do it myself!). Just keep the rates honest with the work they are doing. If they make an honest effort at trying to earn the money, I see no problem helping them out by paying $20 of their $60 stupid looking jeans.

One issue confronting our youngsters is that they can’t get a job even if they want a job. Child labor laws have really hurt companies ability to hire anyone under 18 years of age. That’s fine, because it is time to sell your child out. Sell your offspring’s skills to friends, neighbors, and relatives. I know a lot of people who could use help shoveling snow, mowing grass, walking dogs (and picking up said dog’s dookie), ironing, being a second pair of hands, washing windows, washing floors, painting, pulling weeds, raking leaves, watching children, lifting heavy objects, emptying gutters, washing cars, cooking, cleaning and all those other skills you have taught them. Also, make your kids work cheap. The neighbor kid offered to cut my grass for $50. It only takes me 45 minutes, get off my grass you little cretin. However, cheap labor will get you more jobs in the future. If he had said $10 he’d probably be cutting my grass twice a week.

I had some more to say on teaching your child budgeting. But we’ll save that for another article.

The Joy of Parenting: Embarrassing Remark

My four year old decided to let her swim instructor know that she had bug bites all over her face. The trouble is that it was acne not bug bites.

So again, we have to teach the lesson, we don’t tell people things about themselves they already know. We don’t tell people that they are short, fat, skinny, tall because they know by looking in the mirror.

The Joy of Parenting: Star Wars

I was exercising on my bike trainer in the basement. My daughter (4.5yrs) came down and we were watching Star Wars (IV). It was her first time seeing the movie. She had a lot of questions. But the most profound was at the very end where they are celebrating the destruction of the Death Star. “Dad, why didn’t the alien (a.k.a. Chewbecca) get a medal? He helped, too!” She was very upset over the unfairness of the situation.

Hard Work = Success

There is one lesson that everyone needs to know: Hard work leads to success. This should be the mantra for school aged children (and for adults too). It is a theme that has repeatedly demonstrated itself in the real world.

My sister-in-law who is attending college recently revealed that she was surprised at how well she did in school when she studied hard. Not studying just enough to get by, but really studying and learning the material and being interested.

My daughter can read at 4.5 years old. This was the result of 6 months of reading lessons (see my book review Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons) that was hard on both her and Dad. But she now has a huge head start against her peers which may lead to more success.

There have been numerous studies concerning experts which I tend to categorize as expert theory. Malcolm Gladwell wrote an entire book on the subject. The summation is that it takes 10000 hours of practice and learning in a field to become an expert, whether that field is chess, chemistry, music, martial arts, etc.

Then I read an article on wired about a woman who has super memory! It turns out she is just a really hard worker. But this work is attributed to OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) because she keeps rigorous notes of her life and reviews them often. Which also happens to be the driving force behind Super Memo (Want to remember forever?)!

I’ve been looking for a source for a quote (and google hasn’t helped) can you help me find it? Paraphrased as “There is no such thing as genius, only interest. Now, if I was only interested in something.

The Joy of Parenting: An Early Snow

A bug's life.

It was November and the first snow of 2008 had arrived. At 7am before I am even finished getting ready for work my daughters are already dressed in their snowsuits and outside. As I am enjoying the sight of the freshly fallen snow and the joy on my daughters faces, my youngest (2yrs) picks up a chunk of snow and throws it in her sisters face and yells “YOU FIRED! HA HA HA!”

The Joy of Parenting: The Ball Pit (Dad’s Point of View)

I took my family to the Greek Festival at the local Greek church. It’s a great time. There is lots of dancing in traditional dress. We had a craving for some gyros and saganaki a.ka. flaming cheese. We enjoyed our food while the hot Colorado sun tried to burn our skin. Let’s hear it for the SPF 45. They also had entertainment for the kids. A bunch of little carnival rides and such. My oldest daughter was 3 at the time her only option was the ball pit. She went in and we can hear her screaming with delight. I seen a ball come bouncing out of the tent. There was an under dressed attractive carny girl with crooked teeth who bent over way to far to pick up the ball and toss it back in. I was thinking to myself, she couldn’t be more than 16 and she shouldn’t be wearing clothes that are so revealing. Another ball comes bouncing out. She bends over right in front of me and I try not to stare (lest my wife catch my eye). But I could see her belly button from between her cleavage. Another ball come flying out and she bends at the hips the other way and 4 inches of white lace thong and rear end is revealed. One or two balls usually pop out but now too many are coming out and the carny girl peaks into the pit and yells at the kids not to throw the balls out. From my vantage point I can see my daughter against the far wall and as soon as the carny turns her back she lobs another ball out the opening and laughs. Dad doesn’t say ‘No, Honey, don’t throw the balls!’ He gets to view another couple of inappropriate bends thanks to carny girl before she ends the ‘ride’ early and kicks the kids out. That was worth the $4 for my daughter to play in the ball pit for 5 minutes.

Book Review: Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons

My daughter and I have finished working through ‘Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons’ by Siegfried Engelmann, Phyllis Haddox, and Elaine Brune. The book delivers on it’s promise.

We started lessons with my daughter when she turned 4 years old. The book gives step by step instructions to the adult for teaching. It introduces the concepts and skills at a descent rate while reinforcing skills that were learned in earlier modules. The child starts by learning sounds and rhyming and then practicing writing the letters. The characters are ’sounds’, so you don’t bother to teach them the letter names. This book uses a custom orthography to represent long versus short vowel sounds, also, they are used for the different diphthongs like ’sh’, ‘ch’, ‘th’, so the child only has to learn one character for one sound. These custom characters are removed from the reading gradually in the lessons. The book also works on reading comprehension by having the adult ask questions about what the child has just read.

The book has some detractions. I noticed a few mistakes in the orthography where they would not use their customer characters. The subtext on the cover says ‘In only 20 minutes a day, this remarkable step-by-step program teaches your child to read…’. Yeah, that’s bullshit. Like every parent I think I have the smartest child in the world and it usually took between 40 minutes to an hour. Maybe if your child is in 1st grade and has already experienced reading and learning to read it might be that short. The first couple of lessons took 20 minutes. Also, this book comes with demands once you start you need to have a lesson at least every other day otherwise the child starts reverting and has trouble with the skills. Also there is stress added to the parent and child because the work is hard and it takes a long time. Sometimes the child just doesn’t want to go through it. But the hard work is worth it. The preschool teachers are amazed when she reads a book she hasn’t seen before. She also writes letters to her teachers, grandma, and friends. There are traces of the custom orthography in her writing and it’s cute. I think we haven given her a great head start. I LOVE TO HEAR HER READ!

So in the end it took us about 6 months to finish the program. Now, I’m taking time to recharge my batteries before I start the lessons with her little sister. She’ll be 3 soon and I don’t want to rush it, but she acts like she is ready.